july 9

hi we made it back from Hudson Bay safe and sound. the trip was really hard on my leg but i tell you it was worth it. Bryce did such an amazing job of being the ring bearer. he looked so grown up and proud in his tux, cowboy hat and boots. i can sure see the resemblane to his uncle when he is all dressed up like a coyboy. the girls all chased him aroung calling "come here cowboy" so cute. he walked down the isle with the flower girl so proud, shoulders puffed out and a slight cowboy swagger. he did great the whole day until it came to the dance. this cowboy does not dance...not with mom and not with anyone. he was too shy. i got some really great pictures and he got to keep some cool stuff from the wedding..a fancy glass even (his wine glass from the head table) now he is very tired and wont admit it. i will admit i am beat. it has been a very long weekend but one that i have enjoyed greatly. it has been quite a while since i have gone anywhere or done much out of my presently boring routine.

i will admit that it was a bit uncomfortable for me. i did find a dress that fit and looked pretty good but it didnt hide my leg braces and i did get quite a few strange looks and even a few comments about it. i know they were just curious but it still felt wierd to have elderly people feel pity for me and just the looks they could give. it is hard to explain without seeing them. the comments werent meant to be mean but just curious but it still got hard to keep explaining myself all the time. this is just something else i will have to find a way to deal with. i just need to find a short way to explain it and hopefully just enough info to satisfy those who ask.
the first step i have made this weekend to make myself feel better about myself is realize that i cant hide my braces and i am just so uncomfortable if i try to so i didnt. people will see them and yes some will comment or stare but that is life right now. the second thing i did is that i cannot find a shoe to fit over my brace and i havent wore a real pair of shoes in two years now so i bought a slipper for my left foot and a real shoe for my right. if i was going to dress up and try to look good, it was time to do something nice for myself and wear a dress shoe-flat of course- but a real shoe none the less. and yes it was obvious i had two different pieces of footwear on but i was ok with that. i took many breaks when i got to hurting too bad and went back to the hotel to rest but i enjoyed being able to get out to do something real for a change. i was played out and hurting so bad i had to leave by about 10:30 but i juess i should start with baby steps. bryce had so many people around him that he was ok with me just watching this time and not once did he tell me i was boring.that felt good.
so this probable isnt quite what my sis had in mind when she suggested i post again to get things out instead of bottling them up, but i am new at this whole sharing my feelings here and in time i will get more comfortable in sharing and open up more.
take care for now and i hope i haveny made anyone too bored
T