july 16

had a great time with Ruch today. i cant believe how grown up and mature she has become. we went out for brunch then a shopping spree before she left to the farm. and guess what...after trying on every pair of shoes she and Bryce brought me, i foung a pair that will fit(sort of)over my brace. i guess iy prooves that with evough determination the seeminly imposible can be achieved. then with their constant coaxing, i found two great outfits that look good on me... a nice pair of pants, two tanks and a really great skirt. it is so slimming and i feel pretty good in it. a first in a long time..i really wasnt planning on spending any money on myself, but im glad they convinced me to
after three hours in the mall i was so beat i had to come home and have a nap. my leg hurt so bad that it even hurt to sit so maybe i should start a bit slower and maybe in time i will be able to do a bit more. at least we all had good, quality, fun together while it lasted.. i will admit i was getting grumpy and slow moving at the end but i am trying to learn how to control my moods when the pain increases and to control my frustrations at the numerous things i cannot do and focus on what positive things i accomplish-no matter how small. baby steps right?
i have found that if i accept the fact that i need to rest frequantly, and allow myself the right to take a break when needed, i dont get so overwhelmed and dont get quite so frustrated and angry.
i am also finding that i am not missing my meds as much lately so maybe that means that i am getting over the addictive toxins i had inside and the withdrawals are finally lessening up. i still cry lots but now it seems to happen mostly when the pain increases and not for no reason at all. i am also starting to get my appetite back, now i eat twice a day and i feel hungry before i eat. also a good sign as when i was on the medication i never felt hungry and could go for days without remembering to eat. forgetfulness was also a side effect of the pills. and i couldnt concentrate on anything.i was an avid reader before i got hurt but since then i couldnt concentrate on what i was reading and honestly didnt have the desire to read anyway. tonight i am going to try again. i have lots of great books i would like to read so i will try a few pages and see where that goes.
this is all for tonight so i will post more later.
T