can anyone help me to understand??
so here is my dilemma...this week i got notice that two people have committed suicide. one an 18 year old boy who i dont know and the other a guy i visited with a couple times a week. joking around and basic chit chat.sort of like a friend.
i dont know how to feel about this. on one hand i am mad. what could possibly be so wrong that you would choose to end your own life and do so in a place that you knew your parents would be the first to see you. just hanging there so obvious what your intentions were. then i am sad. what made you feel this desperation and feeling like this was the only way out. then i am mad that i am mad but i am also sad. sad for the family you left behind, all of your friends and those who love you, and your three year old son. and especially for you. what was bothering you so much and was there no one who could help...did you ask for help and we just didnt hear...so many questions are forever going to be unanswered. i dont know how i am supposed to feel. i am mad at your selfishness and yet i am confused, then i am mad at myself...i dont know what you were going thru. i cant imagine how low you must have felt to think this was the only way to make it better. how can i judge you. i cant i have no right to and for that i am sorry. but i dont agree with you that this will make it all better. that is my opinion and that is all. i hope you now have the peace you were looking for and you will forever be missed by more people that i think you knew.
so my friend this is goodbye and even tho i am mad i will be thinking of you often.
posted by tanby @ 6:28 PM
1 Comments:
I know how you feel. The year I left David 2 of my friends committed suicide very close to each other. A couple months later, I left David and then our cousing Matthew was killed...it was a tough few months. I understand the range of emotions you are going through completely. You feel so angry and betrayed and like yelling at them "What did you do that for!!!? Why didn't you just ask for HELP?!?!!?!?!" and on the other hand you feel guilty for not knowing that they needed help in the first place and for feeling mad at them when they were obviously in a bad place in order to do this. The pain that their families' are going through will never ever really go away. There will always be questions and always be what if's...
There will always be something that will make you think of them in some way or another and that will make you wonder..."what if..."
You aren't alone. You're not.
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