bluhh

today i feel really crummy. i'm not sure what's bugging me, ezcept that today i feel really low. all of my close friends have moved out of town and i don't really have anyone to bitch to or just go have coffee with to get away and have some adult time. where does one go to meet people who want a friendship with no expectations behind it? i'm not really into the bar scene anymore and besides if i wanted to hear myself not being able to hear what others are saying I could turn my music up real loud. what i want is a real adult conversation with someone who can offer a different view on things and who has stories to share that i might find interesting. i'm sick to death of people screwing up other peoples lives to make them look better or not as bad at least. i have no interest in hearing how so in so back stabbed so in so and how they retalliated. i want to find someone that can hold a meaningful conversation about something or even nothing at all. don't get me wrong, i love my boy to pieces but i also need some adult interaction as well. maybe that will help to put me in a better frame of mind and feel more at ease with myself. I am too shy ar guarded to just open up to someone first, and that is probable something i have to change about myself but still... where can you go meet normal people without looking like a desperate freak. even though i know i'm not, somedays i fell so all alone and it hurts. like why can't i find more people with my interests who want to hang out with me. what is wrong with me that they don't like me? have i grown up and others not? well, i can't be the only one who grew up. people i used to hang out with just seem so juvinile to me now. more interested in appearances or parties or what ever. not someone who likes both fun and family life. maybe i just need to move away and start over. i don't know but today i feel really alone and i would rather feel this way in a strange place as at least then it could be justified. maybe i just need to sleep and say fuck everybody else this is my life and why should i change.