its about time

well i posted a few days ago i thought i had started to lose some weight and today its official....i lfinally got up the courage to step on a scale and guess what i lost 5 pounds. not much but its a small step in the right direction. i am so excited and i hope i can continue down this road. well enough about that. last night i managed to get 5 thats right 5 hours of sleep. not all in one time mind you but i woke up this morning feeling really tired not exhaused like i have been. yeah for me. maybe i will get some more tonight. wouldn't that be great. we are doing ok out here not much out of the ordinary has happened. life is actually kind of boring but i did manage to slip out for coffee with a friend tonight. even though i took bryce i still had fun and it felt good to have some adult time again. dan has been gone to the farm to help ray so it has been very quiet around here. except for the excited babbles of an overly energetic 4 year old. i wish i had even a quarter of his energy. i will sign off now before i bore you all to tears and post again when i have something to say. T

sleep is so overrated

well, here i am again. another day with only 3 hours sleep. surprisengly enough i don't feel too bad. it was fun day in the park today so me and my boy went to check it out. there were clowns, dancers, baton dancers, ethnic dancers, local bands, baloon animals, jumping pits and a big slide that you use a burlap sack to go down. he is such a big boy that he went all by himself. weeee all the way down, he was so proud. there is supposed to be fireworks tonight too but not till 10 so he will be asleep long before that. my hours got changed at work so now i work just under full time but i have to work f-s-sun tues and thurs are my days off this month. but i will be home just in time to tuck bryce in for bed every night but once a week. finally today was beautiful. about 29 degrees and no rain. nice and hot. a great day to be outside. but the wasps are terrible here. they swarm you as soon as you go outside. bryce got bit last week by one and it scared him and it really hurt. now he cringes every time he sees one. he also got his first real hair cut at a barber shop. it looks really cute but it cost $11 snd my whole clipperset only cost $9 so i think he will only get it done at the barbers a couple times a year. i'll do the rest. not too much else is new or worth sharing so i'll go for now. take care everyone and for those who haven't posted lately, let me know how you are doing. post or email me T

update

well, for those who know me, or who care, i recently posed that i have finally started to lose weight. what i didn't say was in order to do so and also to get a clear head, i have wiened myself off two of my pills. this should be great news but now i wonder if i made the right move. i have been depressed and cannot sleep enough even if i sleep around the clock.am i getting sick again or am i going thru withdrawl from not taking my pills? i don't know the answer to that but i think i may have to go back to my dr to find out. problem is she just keeps giving me new pills to take and i'm not sure i want to be on them anymore. they don't make the pain go away or stabilize my leg more or even allow my to do more stuff so should i keep taking them even though they are highly addictive and mess with my head? i don't know the answer to this either but i'm sick of being on pills that mess with my head. maybe it will just take longer for my body to adjust to not being on the pills i hope so. but enough about that as to my day to day live i'm basically ok and working lots and my boss told me today that they want me to change stores so i don't get bored with the job and want to quit. that was a confidence booster that they like me so much that they don't want me to leave.after i'm done school in sept, this may be a possibility for me and even for a full time position. that would be nice. also our hours are changing so we now closse at 8 not 9 so i will be home in time to put my son to bed. that will be great. anyway this is all i've got for now and i really need to crawl into bed and get some sleep. hope everyone is doing ok and my thoughts are with each of you Later T

snowbirds, snowbirds, snowbirds...

this is what i have been listening to all weekend. that and the excited screams as the planes flew overhead. these two little boys were so excited they could hardly sit still. well today we went to the airshow and they did really well for about three hours until they became too tired and got too much sun. i brought them back to my place and left gramma and papa to finish watching the show. we watched a few movies and played and ran out everytime we heard a plane. i also made carson a disk of his own like i made for the girls and he really loved it. he has such good manners and a big heart. i took the two boys to the store to buy some nerds and he asked if it would be alright if he saved his to share with his brother and sister. my heart went out to him for thinking of them when he was here and told him he could get a box for each of them as well. he was really grateful and thought that would be great. they even tried to have a sleepover in the same bed but bryce had to move cuz they were fighting over the blankets. one wanted to be fully covered and the other didn't want any covers. we even got a picture of them inside a plane, right from where they fire the guns. it was a great weekend but now i'm exausted and need some sleep. ps i sent hugs and kisses home to everyone in case he forgets. later T

its a small step in the right direction

well, as you know since i got hurt i have been struggling with my weight. i managed to wean myself off one of my pills a few weeks ago, and today i noticed my pants feel a bit looser. i don't own a scale so i don't know if my numbers have dropped or not, and i, myself can't see a difference but my pants are getting a bit looser. hopefully i can keep this up as i still have 50 lbs to go but for now it does make me feel a bit better. i was getting very depressed about the wat i looked and the stuff i can't do but somedays i am able to realize i just have to figure out new ways of doing things and that there is still a lot i can do. anyway this is going to be short but i feel it is good news in my life and just wanted to share. T

who does this remind you of?

Dad's Way Now my dad weren't too long on words When it came to how he felt but there wuz little need fur them When dad reached fer his belt. There weren't no need fer rep-ar-tee or psy-cho-logic help, we cut right thru the learning curve when dad reached fer his belt. Now folks don't get me wrong on this We never got a lick but I wuz almost pert near grown before I learned his trick. It weren't the pain of leather strap or rising blistered welt, We made our minds up rabbit-quick when dad reached fer his belt. Now I ain't sayin' that's the way to raise a kid alright but none of us had complexes and we knowed wrong from right. I love my dad and always will and thank him fer his help and fer the man that I became cause dad reached fer his belt. Rod Nichols this is just an appreciation to those who were raised before spanking could land you jail time and kids had respect for their parents and others. I hope everyone enjoys this as much as I did and appreciates it for what it is and doesn't take offense T

adventures of two preteen, giggling girls

well, two of my neices come down for a summer visit. it has been quite a while since i saw them and boy were they excited. i don't think they stopped giggling since they got here. they know i have to work but as soon as i'm done i have to go see them. it has been raining the entire time they have been here so we have had to change most of our plans. Yesterday mom and i decided to take them out for a special, fancy lunch. She suggested going to the Bes cuz it looks like a castle. everyone was game for that till we pulled up and there was Harleys as far as the eye can see. we decided to go in anyway. There was a huge bikers convention going on and the girls were a bit uncomfortable at first. "we clash. everyone else is dressed in black leather and we don't have any black on". well, we managed to have lunch between giggles and even got them to pose for a few pictures by the bikes, sitting as Queens, being tour guides... it was a lot of fun. our waiter even let the girls keep their bread crusts to feed the geese on the way out. Today they are taking Bryce to his final tumbleweeds class and i'm sure that will prove to be eventful as well. tonight when I get done work, they are putting on a dance show for me. they have been working really hard on it and now feel it is good enough to share with me. i'm sure it will be great. I am so glad I got the opportunity to spend as much time as I did with them. They are wonderful and they surre know how to lift your spirits without even trying. I have had a very busy but great week and I can't wait till the next set comes to visit. Hopefully it goes as well as this one did. Sorry to both my sis's for taking your girls to a bikers convention but they loved it and am sure they will remember it for a long time to come. Remember girls, bikers can't be all that bad... just remember how much you laughed when we found the bikers playing bingo. Big, bad bikers sitting around like old ladies playing bingo. sure puts a new twist on things hey? take care all and remember take everyting one day at a time. my thoughts are with you all T

first playdate- a huge success

well like the title says Bryces first playdate away from home without us staying was a huge success. He went to his friends house from daycare. there was three little boys playing very nice together with no fighting or arguements. Shocked- can't be true---well it was. the dad said he was the best behaved friend they have and he is welcome there anytime. well, when it was time to go the younger brother told Dan and I we should just go home, without Bryce. when we said that wasn't an option they decided they should grab some pj's and come with us. It was really cute. So finally we decided that if we could all wait till Sunday they could come over here and play and if it is nice I'd even fill the pool for them. So we all agreed and now I'm arguing with my son as to why it is time for bed as he should have been in bed an hour ago. so that is all for now. Take care T.

update

well, made it through another day ok. Still feeling blue but maybe not so bad. I think I may have figured out what triggered this mood. Last week should have been my happy divorce day but he still won't give me my divorce. Anyway, Just having that in mind also brought back all the garbage he used to say to me..I'm fat, ugly, stupid and no one else would ever want me so I should be thankful I have him. I know this is stupid but for somereason it all came rushing back. I know I have gained 50 lbs since I injured my leg and I don't feel very attractive right now and not having any friends close to me also reinforced the "no one will want you" comments. Once again I know this is stupid and I just have to learn how to like myself again and know others will like me for me. This obviously will take time to overcome but now maybe I can start working on it, now I have realized this is a trigger for me. I gottga go cuz I'm about to pamper myself with a bubblebath and a book, but I just wanted to let everyone know I'm still kickin'.

bluhh

today i feel really crummy. i'm not sure what's bugging me, ezcept that today i feel really low. all of my close friends have moved out of town and i don't really have anyone to bitch to or just go have coffee with to get away and have some adult time. where does one go to meet people who want a friendship with no expectations behind it? i'm not really into the bar scene anymore and besides if i wanted to hear myself not being able to hear what others are saying I could turn my music up real loud. what i want is a real adult conversation with someone who can offer a different view on things and who has stories to share that i might find interesting. i'm sick to death of people screwing up other peoples lives to make them look better or not as bad at least. i have no interest in hearing how so in so back stabbed so in so and how they retalliated. i want to find someone that can hold a meaningful conversation about something or even nothing at all. don't get me wrong, i love my boy to pieces but i also need some adult interaction as well. maybe that will help to put me in a better frame of mind and feel more at ease with myself. I am too shy ar guarded to just open up to someone first, and that is probable something i have to change about myself but still... where can you go meet normal people without looking like a desperate freak. even though i know i'm not, somedays i fell so all alone and it hurts. like why can't i find more people with my interests who want to hang out with me. what is wrong with me that they don't like me? have i grown up and others not? well, i can't be the only one who grew up. people i used to hang out with just seem so juvinile to me now. more interested in appearances or parties or what ever. not someone who likes both fun and family life. maybe i just need to move away and start over. i don't know but today i feel really alone and i would rather feel this way in a strange place as at least then it could be justified. maybe i just need to sleep and say fuck everybody else this is my life and why should i change.

one more day

well. i made it through the night. For a while I thouught I would wake up in the hospital today as last night was the sickest I've ever been, but I made it. Today I feel much better. I still feel really sick but not to the point of hospitilization. I made Dan go to the store(actually mom did) late last night to get me some gingerale. I know everyone thinks its the magic cure all when you are sick, but I really believe it worked. I slept from !pm yeaterday till 7am this morning and was really dehydrated and really bitchy and weepy. When Dan came home from work yesterday he woke me up and scared the bejesus out of me and I didn't know where I was and just started to bawl. That's how sick I was. It was scarry. Anyway, today is much better and I'm glad to say that Bryce is doing much better even as of yesterday and went to school and had a great time. I think I caught him in time and kids bounce back so much faster than us "old" ones. Today you can't even tell that he is sick. He keeps hounding me as to when we get to go to Tumbleweeds, which is not till tomorrow. He only has two classes left and then I think I will have to try to find him another class cuz he loves it so much. Maybe this time I will put him in a more advanced class. He is definately ready for that. Anyway this is all the time I have for today cuz I have to go to school and then work tonight. Maybe I will even find an hour for a nap between the two. Here's hoping! Love ya all T

not much is new

well, Bryce got home from his vacation very happy, very tired and full of stories. The one he is most upset about is when he went to the farm, Aunty wasn;t home and he broke Uncles chair and made him cry. Knowing me bro, I can just picture him with his hands over his face, fake crying. my boy, on the other hand did not know he was just teasing and is very upset. other than that he had a great time. since he came back though he has developed a case of bronchitis and is not sleeping well at all, i myself am battling bronchitis/p-nomia. like i have time to be sick. what with work and trying to go to school and trying to make it to the gym and tending to my boy. I know... I just have no time to eat or sleep....or maybe that is why I got sick in the first place..who knows. for some good news, I heard from the boys in BC and they have adjusted very well and are happy. It was great to hear that. But that is all I have for today cuz I haven't had time for anything to happen to me. later gator